My Fake-Looking Lips
DSL, Blow-up Doll, and now, Filler Denier
“You’re so exotic”
“What are you?”
“You look like Angelina Jolie”
Strangers used to come up to my mom at the store to say her daughter was “so beautiful” and “unique.”
All of these things I heard as a small child. I looked different. Big, thick, curly, frizzy dark hair. Blue-grey eyes, and full pink lips.
What I would also hear a lot is, “You look so tired.” The hollows under my eyes shadow the blue-grey irises responding with a “No, that’s just my face.”
These are things I couldn’t change about myself, and as insecure and self-conscious I was as a child, then a pre-teen, then a teenager, at close to 30 I am less bothered by what others think of my looks. Whether they compliment me or leave a comment such as, “You look like a blow-up doll.”
Bullied in school for how God made me, I am quick to clap back and shut someone down.
Yesterday was no exception, but a first for me.
I made a TikTok briefly talking about the new MLM scam going around. Young women are being approached in Target or Ulta, complimented by another young woman striking up conversation. Amid the loneliness epidemic, it is diabolical and only logical for the predatory practices of network marketing and cultish mentality to prey on their targets in real life.
One of the first comments I got was: “Your lip fillers are making my head hurt.”
Me: “No filler. Literally just how my face is, so thanks for that”
Rando: “Babe my dad does it for a living I just showed him your comment and he wants [youu] to be real with yourself.”
I responded to the comment with a photo dump of me over 10 years ago in high school with a couple of tot pictures to make my case.
There is no filler to see here. And while there is nothing inherently wrong with getting work done and being transparent about that, since when are we continuing to body shame and criticize others for their appearance?
I have no qualms with posting this user’s name on here. I am not looking for anyone to come to my defense or shame this person, I can handle myself just fine. But it is my choice and consequences to deal with by talking about this at all.
I have dealt with comments about my features my entire life, and occasionally I still deal with out-of-pocket comments. What has stuck with me the longest and into the digital landscape are remarks—genuine compliments, sexualization, objectification, degradation, and flat-out insults—about my fucking lips.
Yeah, a blow job with these lips might seem like a great idea. You might find that the teeth to be a problem for you.
At this point in my life, no one can make me feel bad for how I look. Instead, I bite back and make it crystal clear that I will not tolerate being spoken to that way.
No one should tolerate it either. You have the right to shut out and shut down anyone who dares to diminish you or attempt to rob you of yourself.
There was a follow-up comment I butted up against.
Someone responding to rando: “Maybe your dad should have been a therapist instead so you could have turned out better”
I also take issue with this. All well-intended defenses to combatting someone on my behalf don’t excuse a devolvement into trading insults.
Why do we do this? There is nothing productive in provocation, except for maybe the thrill, the high, the rush of fighting with a stranger online.
Ironically, while I watched the comments roll in on my TikTok, I saw YouTuber LoeyLane post this YouTube Short titled “When people tell me I’m fat, my response is pretty simple.”
Her response? WOMP WOMP with her juicy booty.
Apparently, we can’t help but tell folks online how their appearance bothers us.
I know the hearts and minds of the worst offenders of this behavior will most likely never read this or reflect on it. However, the more dangerous, harmful, narrow-minded thing to do is to believe you are exempt from participating in this kind of behavior—because you’re not like them.
Yes, you may know better. I know that I know better. And yet, we are human and will react poorly and inappropriately at times. A stranger (or maybe not a stranger) will say something to you, and your reaction will be to make them eat concrete.
I have reacted poorly and inappropriately to comments online before. I will probably do it again in the future despite knowing better.
But can you take on the responsibility? Can you have enough self-awareness to own it?
It’s you who I care more about than the rando and their flippant comment. You may believe you are above all that because you are more than capable of actually being better than them.
So don’t act like the idiot you want to set straight.
Now, I have to go moisturize my lips.
I’ll catch you next time.